Thursday, October 28, 2010

career opportunities for medics in airports!!!!

To think that one of these days when i am  trying to catch a plane, my suspicious looking ovary can be looked upon just like that -- suspiciously!
The arrival of full body scanners in airports seem to cause no worry among the general public. at least most of the people i talked to seemed to think it was something inevitable, say, like death. or as if i was making too much of a fuss about silly stuff as usual. fear of privacy invasion has been overridden by that other great fear -- that of terrorrism. obviously pre-emptive attack efforts didn't work well enough. Now the big bro wants to see the average person naked. i did wonder why no one seems to be bothered that much that their B&Bs will be out there for all to see. apparently, i wasn't thinking!

Imagine the pros of such a situation! actually it could prove to be a wonderful opportunity to improve the quality of the nation's health care. For instance, while they are looking at your body, they could let you know your BMI, which would help a lot of people. They could hand out flyers explaining the significance of that number along with their bags. Now, what if a lady tried to hide a weapon of mass destruction in her tampon deployed inside her? What if someone swallowed the same and the wmd is lying peacefully in his stomach?
or lower? well, soon there will be more than x-rays at the security check. CT scanners and MRIs too will

Now think of the possibilities! If they had radiologists and pathologists at hand, -- they should, because otherwise someone might think my suspicious looking ovary, with its cysts and scars, is a WMD, and what about someone else's fibroids -- these specialists can read the scans and let the people concerned know. In no time, there will be surgeons too at the airport, and, won't that be convenient? Sometimes we do not know what all disease- ridden things are hidden in our bodies, and the new airport checks would be a godsend then. Mammograms and colonoscopies can be easily done here, not to speak of cosmetic/plastic surgery. If found lacking in any area, implants may be provided.  and if there is an excess, of course, the necessary adjustments can be done.  Ah, dentists too will be in great demand, for things could be concealed under crowns and bridges.

And then, let's imagine the states of mind of the persons who see our naked bodies. I don't know about anyone, but I know Mallus and other Indians. If such a thing as a full body scanner landed in our airport, the guys there will have the time of their lives. Boy! would they now!!! A perpetual hum and frisson of excitement will pervade the whole city. A surge in the number of job applications from guys to man the scanners. Soon the web will be flooded with our pics. One would be posted right in the middle of the town square! Everyone gets to be famous! As an added bonus, disgruntled/rejected boyfriends/girlfriends can have their revenge easily. just get a copy of the pic and send it to the would-be bridegroom's address. or make  a poster and stick it in the middle of the town. Students can wage wars against teachers, friends turned enemies can find comfortable weapons of destruction in these highly colorful images. Of course, the women would be found at fault! duh! how dare they are naked under their underclothes!!! serves them right for being so daring!!

oh, and  I hear that the Police will have the full body scanner in their cars! that is going to be more fun! we, the public are going to be taken care of so well! nothing like the up close and  personal touch.

PS : update --  a protest is being planned around Thanksgiving day, I hear. Thank Goodness! :)

latest update May 31, 2013 - They're gone! TSA has removed the offensive , intrusive machines -

update: Feb 10  2014 Wrong! they are still here.

I have seen agents sitting behind computer screens looking at the bodies, get up and look at the person's face -- to connect the body with the face -- more fun! so much for respect, privacy, dignity,  promised anonymity etc. for the passengers, and  maturity and integrity on the part of the agents.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

new adventures of old asha or Omphaloskepsis

there is nothing much to do. maybe because it's all been done. either by myself, or by others. actually, much more .... and more... by others. but then that is all right, since we are one.
believe it or not, i haven't really tried to pick lint off my navel. i hear it is an art worth cultivating.
sadly, even if i wanted to try it now, it won't be feasible. there is this gooseberry- sized gauze ball stuffed tight in my navel. yep. and there is a band -aid over it. i look at it longingly. curious to see what's happening underneath . but i am not supposed to pry. obviously, privacy concerns. so, the contemplation of my navel has to be put off for now.

in any case, i have other things to do. or not do. when i get off bed, i am not allowed to sit right up. no sudden jumps and all that. but i notice that i am prone to do that -- just like my dad. but then, since i do not want a lotus, or something akin to it,  to rise out of my navel, i try to remember to roll over to my side, slowly bring my feet down, and sit up. i tell all this to my relatives who havent been very impressed with me lately, and have written me off the "going places" list. Here is my chance to grab that elusive 15 seconds of fame, among them. Of course once they hear it is laparoscopic, every one of them is pretty dismissive like seasoned surgeons. But ... but there are incisions! 4 of them! on me!! come on! thats not simple! and other stuff that was done inside me!
well, anyways,

i am asked to support my tummy when i lie down. i support it so much it hurts. someone in charge here asks me, " you always have to take that one extra step, dont you?" "Do I?" , I wonder. hmm. something else to think about. maybe i do! i think of all the friendships, and would-be friendships that I had lost on the way, probably because of this overdoing business? or, that may have happened because of other stuff, like them being mountains and i being a teeny tiny ant.ants are mighty envious of mountains, btw.

ok- back to contemplation of my navel -- i touch it, does it hurt? not really. but after a while, i feel a twinge. does it feel colder than the other areas? oh NO! it feels wet! it is infected! no, no. it is fine, really. i imagined it.

all the do's and don'ts! i am fed up. i can't run, i can't do situps or crunches, i can't climb stairs, omg! how am i going to take it!! actually it is only for a couple of days. but you don't know that! my six-pack (fl)abs is going to be a thing of the past. and my dream of world domination  in the next Olympics, or at least CWG, is out the window. and, SACRILEGE! i cant have sex for 2 weeks! for 2 whole weeks! now that is a hit on my
(r)aging libido. at the end of the said 2 weeks, watch out, you studs between 23- 29! ;) to add insult to injury,  i shouldn't get pregnant for the next 5 years! that is unthinkable! how can i bear that!!!not that i have been making babies nonstop all these years. it is the principle of the thing. (after the 5th year, it's all right, since the question doesn't arise, and the Holy Ghost has gone on to newer pastures).

as i lie there, i remember that heavenly feeling or not-feeling while i was under general anaesthesia. whoever invented that has to be hugged and kissed forever. I did not feel a thing! I do not remember a thing! for 3 hours I was totally unaware! dead to the world! to me that is unbelievable. to not worry if i talked too much, or too little, to not think , or remember, to not know that i am breathing!! 3 hours of my life -- a big mystery.
back to navel-gazing. i am not supposed to look at  my navel. that would count as an almost-crunch. i give up, i have to take a peek. just let me get this band aid off first.